Exploits of a Vegan Wannabe

Cooking show update:  On Tuesday we watched the almost finished version of what will be the promo of our new show. It even had an intro and music! It was surreal to watch myself  on television cooking vegan food, interacting with the camera and sharing recipes.

Something else was there as well, something that temporarily challenged my excitement and joy.  That something else was self-doubt, words of criticism about my hair, my clothing, my voice, you name it.  All of those things that the old tapes play and replay in my mind kicked into high gear.  But then, the tapes ran into an unusual turn of events, they quieted, as if I had turned down the volume or hit pause.  I realized that I no longer have to slip into this default mode of self criticism. It occurred to me that I really do want to listen to a different voice, one that celebrates me, encourages me and enables me to reach even higher every day.

This shift in mindset is recent in my world and has been more evident since choosing a vegan lifestyle.  I have found that there is a connection between being very aware of everything that I put in my mouth and how I view myself.  The only way I can think of to describe it is that I spend so much of my conscious day looking for and preparing beautiful, balanced and healthy foods to nourish my body that it is becoming a clear contradiction to allow old critical tapes to replay as they once did.

Since I no longer use food as a weapon to hide feelings of sadness or fill some sort of void, I have become more aware of a “me” I’m proud of and I dont want to cut her down.  Now I use food to fuel my body with the best choices I can find each day, choices that are more compassionate for me, for animals and the planet.  It is as though shining a light on everything I eat has also shined a light on the darkness of self doubt, something very closely related to my former negative relationship with food. It is becoming a complete lifestyle change and that is really exciting.

In the mere minutes in which this realization occurred I went from self-loathing to feeling elated about how natural I looked on camera and how excited I was to have the privilege of doing this show with Sandy.   In the footage I really looked like I was enjoying myself because the truth is that I was. I was having a ball.

Becoming vegan has not only changed the way I eat but the way I feel about what I eat and the way I feel about myself. Yes, it was scary, putting myself out there for all to see and it made me feel  vulnerable, but I don’t have to fall into my old default mode of criticism.   I am creating new habits for myself of positive self talk, exuberant exploration of new experiences and of creating a safe place for myself  to grow, have fun and take risks.  Growth can be both wonderful and scary even when it is what we want.

Once the show is ready for previewing, I’ll be sure you get to see it here first.  It is part of this journey we are on together and I truly believe the show will help us to change the world one meal at a time.

Have a delicious day.

Tags: compassionate eating, dairy free, going veg, trying vegan, trying vegetarian, vegan, vegan challenge, vegan experience, vegan wannabe, vegetarian transition